Why you need a strong emotional core
When we think of a ‘strong core’ in physical terms it means you will have good balance and steadiness (stability). The stronger the core the more stable you will be on your feet. So whether in the gym, on a playing field or during your daily activities, going food shopping, walking the dog, putting your child in a car seat. A strong core will stabilize you. When we think of the core in an emotional sense it’s the same but different, as we apply it to the strength & stability of the mind. A strong emotional core will help stabilize your mind and your moods. A strong mind will give you improved self-awareness. Rather than looking to others for validation and advice you will have the ability to look within and learn to trust yourself. Understanding who you are and what you stand for is empowering & gives you clarity. So let’s help you build a strong emotional core. We do this by identifying our core values.
What is a Core Value?
A core value is a value that you embody and implement into your daily life. Sometimes, when I ask clients this question they respond as if they are answering an exam question. There is no right or wrong answer. Just be honest. Everyone’s core values will differ. What do you think your core values are? It sounds like an easy question, and you could start by listing a bunch of generic characteristics; kind, caring, nice. Those childlike responses we program into children.For this to be truly transformative though, I really want you to peel back the superficial layers and think about who you are on a deeper level and how you show up in the world.
I will do an example below. I have made a list of my core values and techniques I use to ensure that I do in fact implement these values into my daily life. I always try and have my clients think of at least 5 values. So my 5 values are the following; honest, authentic, passionate, hardworking & resilient.
Honest: Not avoiding difficult conversations, setting boundaries, not expecting people to read my mind, being transparent with my communication, not being afraid to say no. When dealing with friends before giving my opinion I always ask, ‘do you want me to be honest’? I have also learnt sometimes people don’t want to hear your truth especially in a moment of high emotion. Sometimes we just need a safe space to let it all out. So I guess it is a case of reading the room and knowing when the right time is to share your honest feelings & opinions about a situation, event or circumstance.
Authentic: Showing up in this world as me. Smiley, silly, fun, chatterbox, bookworm, sucker for a kid's movie, loves food & exercise and bringing out the best in myself and others around me. I remember being called, ‘fake & sly’ once because I, ‘smiled too much’ by a girl in our circle of friends. I really wanted this girl to like me. I remember trying to smile less, talk less and keep up with her drinking on nights out. This was back in my early twenties. Me trying to ‘fit in’ left me feeling defeated, disconnected, insecure & very sad. Be yourself. Not sure who that is stay with me or better yet work with me. Not everybody will like you and that is okay. When you like yourself you won‘t be affected by those who dislike you. After all, ‘if you were everyone’s cup of tea you would be a mug’.
Passionate: What is life without passion. Passion makes you feel alive. One day the inevitable will happen. I’m so hyper aware of that fact so call me crazy but I want to live while I am alive. I am so passionate about my family, my work, my purpose and just passionate about creating the best life for myself, my family and the people around me for as long as I live. When I’m feeling a lack of passion and motivation. I ask myself these questions.
What makes you so happy that you literally feel your heart could burst?
When was the last time you laughed so hard you almost pee’d?
When was the last time you were so happy you cried?
These are the moments which make it all feel worth it. And in moments of the mundane I use the answers to the above to find out what I need more of to lift my mood and reignite my passion.
Hardworking: Manifesting & meditating is super important but without the hard work and action it will be hard to execute and make things happen. I have never been shy of hard work. My mum was super hard-working, so I had a fantastic role model from day one. I plan my days by the minute. Being organized and not wasting a minute, or hour means I don’t miss out on the fun stuff. It’s not easy though, my alarm sounds at 4:15 am and the hustle starts from 4:30am. It’s not for everyone but if you are willing to work things will happen.
Resilient: It’s much easier to quit and go back to what feels safe. I’m not that person I don’t mind how many times I hear a no. Behind every no is a yes after all. The only one to decide when I want to stop a pursuit and redirect my energy is me. This is a value my 4-year-old daughter has adopted also and now I am asking myself some serious questions. lol. FYI is there any better form of self reflection than having a child! My daughter is awesome a bit annoying, dangerous when hungry & tired but on the whole absolute delight and a powerful burst of positive energy. I often catch my other half looking at me like now do you see, do you see what you’re like to live and be with! Haha.
CAN A CORE VALUE BE CHANGED?
Much like life anything can be changed. Particularly if you have just started your personal development journey. I would say I have properly been on this journey for 5 years now. So I would like to think my core values feel strong & set. However life happens. None of us can control what life throws at us. But as the saying goes life is 10% what happens to you, the rest is how you react to it. Hence why understanding yourself on a deeper more spiritual level is super helpful & healing.
For now I am really happy with the core values I have set for myself. They feel true and honest. Perhaps you will list your core values and it will be an opportunity for some self-reflection. For example, you may be thinking; ‘I am currently really nice, too nice, I struggle to say no and speak my mind, I would like to learn to live more authentically without the fear of judgment’. You just tapped into something super meaningful there! Stay with that thought process and continue to unpack it either through your own study; books, podcasts, videos or working with a coach. We are so fortunate now where we live in a time where so much self development resources are available to us. Utilize them. Whichever way you choose to invest in your self development be consistent with it in order to measure your progress & feel the change.
As all my clients know when you have coaching with me they always leave with homework, yay! Sorry remember I’m a bookworm! Okay so it’s not actually homework I call them, Reflection Activities. By taking the time to read this blog post you have invested 5 minutes into reading because this post has caught your attention. I want you to now list your 5 core values. Try and build a habit of doing and creating rather than just consuming. So do the following…
Answer the questions below:
What are your 5 core values?
Why did you pick these values?
Explain why each value is meaningful and important to you.
How do you show up everyday in the world embodying each value?
Do you embody this value currently in your life? If the answer is no then what could you do right now to start being 1% more…honest, compassionate, caring, fun, passionate (these are just examples).
If you were living as the best possible version of yourself would your core values be different?
Are you living in alignment to the core values you listed?
I always recommend writing & journalling. Studies prove that writing and journaling have healing effects. The idea is when we take everything out of our heads and put it down on paper it alleviates that heaviness and can help with understanding yourself and your emotions. However if writing is not for you, find a way that works. As long as you are documenting how you are feeling in a way in which you can physically revisit them.
Have fun exploring you & your core values!
Discover who you are at the core, reconnect with yourself to allow you to connect to the right kind of person/people.
Remember your vibe attracts your tribe.
As ever, any questions, comments please hit the contact me section.
xXx Acsah xXx